Private Demons

I watch an HBO documentary, long and emotionally exhausting — one of those films you think, “I shouldn’t be watching this” but you keep on watching it. I begin in the middle. An horrific event has happened: a 36 year old woman named Diane has driven her SUV headlong into another SUV which strikes another SUV, killing 8 persons altogether including Diane and most of the children in the vehicle with her. Lab tests, done twice, show that Diane has consumed at least 10 alcoholic drinks in addition to marijuana. She is on the verge of coma and death. Eyewitnesses say Diane is driving in the fast lane in the wrong direction along a NY turnpike at 70 mph “like a bat out of hell” with no thought of anyone else, completely determined to get wherever it is she is going. Death is her final destination.

A forensic psychiatrist speaks of Diane not being a “bad person.” Instead she is a haunted individual, haunted primarily, it seems, by her inability to ever be out of control. Her family, particularly her husband, is unable to admit that his wife is even capable of being as out of control as she is on this particular day when she kills herself and 7 others, mostly children.

Some of us are unable or unwilling to admit to flaws in our character. We can’t look in the mirror and see that we are human, frail and not actually good at all, in and of ourselves anyway. Our demons remain so private that when they do emerge and we sense that loss of control, we panic. With no option for escape, we find our private demons, in public, are totally overwhelming. Diane must be desperately attempting to drown her demons with painkillers even as she plows headfirst into an oncoming vehicle, her mind trapped in tunnel vision, unable to see any light.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Mountains

Dragging Each Other To Hell

I’ve heard an urban legend that Martin Luther recanted on his deathbed and asked for last rites, so that he died a good Catholic. I’ve heard an urban legend that because he did not, in fact, recant he was seized by demons and dragged in agony to hell as a bad Protestant. What a contrast. Either he repented at that last possible moment and was ushered back into the true Christian Church under the earthly authority of the Pope, the Vicar of Christ or he was dragged off to hell — at least in the minds of Vatican I strict Roman Catholics.

How odd, to me, that persons who profess the same Lord and Savior have such evil thoughts regarding one another. One group claims if you refuse to attend to the Pope as the one and only representative of Christ on earth, then you are condemned. Another group claims that if you recognize an authority other than Christ’s, then you are condemned. After all, the papacy is the anti-Christ. Down to the wire, the Pope’s either the Vicar of Christ or he’s the Anti-Christ.

I grew up in the Protestant church, in several denominations. I’ve attended Roman Catholic masses, and committed the unthinkable (for many Catholics, that is and probably for some Protestants) — I’ve received the Eucharist. I’ve recognized the body of Christ in some churches; in other churches, I’ve accepted that the emblems only become the body of Christ within my own body, and in others I’ve agreed that these are just symbols of Christ’s sacrifice. Honestly, the Eucharist is the only time “communion” makes an emotional impact, even as I reject the words “accept this sacrifice at our hands” which makes no scriptural sense to me. The least effective “communion” is self-serve. Go up, take the little piece of bread, dip it in the grape juice, take it without a thought in your head and walk back to your seat. Too fast, too slick, rather pathetic for me, anyway. Like going to McDonald’s for a Jesus Happy Meal.

I probably seem a bit like the women Paul condemns — those tossed about on the winds of various doctrines. However, if you listen to Protestants speak of our Lord and then listen to Roman Catholics speak of our Lord and you do not know which person is of which belief system, you likely would not know which one — in your opinion — should be dragged off to hell on his deathbed.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the power, the glory and the kingdom forever. Amen.